When do you know that you lost your soul?
4 years ago I had a life altering time. I ended up sitting on the floor with countless bottles of pills infront of me ready to end it all. And something stopped me. A single thought which kept me occupied for the next 18 hours. Then I realized I hadn’t changed my clothes or showered in a week I cleaned myself up and proceeded to change my life. The woman I was died on that floor that night, and the woman I am now was born. My life improved steadily over the next few months and I was happy. Everything about me I had changed from my looks, to my eating habits to my religion.
In the past couple of months I have started to feel empty. Asking the question “what do I need to do to get over this?” in meditation, with the tarot, with runes. I have missed signs or not received any as to what to do next in life. Nothing seems to energize me anymore.
I was channel surfing about a week and a half ago, and came across a Motley Crue documentary on MuchMoreMusic, and the thought came to me “I need to get more rock n roll in my life”. I had abadoned my roots in everything when I changed my life. Let myself get too serious about things, about how I viewed the world, and how I let the world view me.
I used to be a major Motley Crue fan. One of my favourite albums is Too Fast For Love. I listened to that over and over and over when I was 12 as the background music when I read Anne Rice’s Vampire Lestat for the first time. It has a deep connection to the “old me” that is the baseline to myself.
So when do you know you lost your soul?
Blah! The begining of another road from the underground of things. Follow me if you dare into the muck and the crud.
hardcore Vamps Prods., 